Controlled Obsessions
The foundation of success involves not only a clear vision and potential, but a controlled obsession. Sustained internal inertia and motivation is dependent on having some level of “obsession” with the task or situation we’re confronted with. A controlled obsession instills a craving in us to resolve challenges that inevitably will arise, and lead with a willingness to face whatever obstacles might come your way.
One of the most nuanced concepts that we have believed as a society is that of a work-life balance. It implies that the career anyone chooses will create an imbalance in other areas of one’s life; that if there is an unequal pull in either direction (specifically the “work” side of the scale), then something is not just in imbalance but is wrong.
What if the way in which we think about work-life balance has faults, and is perpetuating a narrative that is producing more stagnation and possibly greater levels of unhappiness?
I am not insinuating that boundaries are not needed and that a “work-life balance” is bad; rather that the ideal scenario is a level of career fulfillment and satisfaction which automatically removes the idea that life is absent of balance.
Certainly, the last sentence if taken out of the context seems off putting. The premise I am bringing out is that “humans are purpose driven beings (i.e., we care about fulfillment), and that purpose drives general well-being”. When you find what you care about and what you work towards is in alignment, you often don’t need a balancing as you have found what is most effective for you.
In my both my time spent building organizations and my clinical practice, I’ve witnessed individuals, teams, and organizations feel a lack of resilience and capability when they feel misaligned with their overall purpose or mission. Productivity, success, resiliency, and effective performance is reliant on operating from a values-oriented lens.
Some individuals may surrender the idea that joy can exist within their work, and adopt a cycle of clocking-in, clocking-out, moving on autopilot throughout their day. And so, their external-to-work world holds the place of fulfillment or purpose. For these individuals, work-life balance is paramount. They have a clear understanding that their work is only a means to an end or a point of security with limited additional value. To these individuals, seeking work-life balance not only makes sense but is an act of self-preservation. In this case, creating boundaries between your work and personal life makes sense as they are antithetical to each other.
This is a direct call out to founders and team leaders who want to reach maximum capability: you must consider an alternative viewpoint. What you value and what fulfills you must ideally be in alignment with the profession you choose if you’re hoping to see both effective and long-term results. Your work needs not only to be the source of income but it needs to be in alignment with levels of purpose or fulfillment. When you find aspects of this alignment, balance is an afterthought as you have a congruence between what you personally and professional care about. This results in eagerness for development and openness to relearn. Remember that the pursuit of effectiveness is best measured on a long-term horizon rather than momentary euphoria. Individuals who are fulfilled by their job are more likely to return home to their partner, their family, and responsibilities with more patience, availability, and responsiveness.
Let’s shift back to the concept of a controlled obsession, and how obsessions will likely control you, but the sweet spot is having controlled obsessions.
Individuals that control their obsessions are equally as excited about the end outcome as they are about the process to get there. Perhaps your “free time” outside of the office is filled with brainstorming, personal think-tanks, and mapping out of professional goals. Time is spent in open dialogue with friends and loved ones about their life’s passions, and work as one of them. In many ways it has you thinking, “if what I’m working on comes to fruition, how great will this be?” This doesn’t rob you of your personal identify but rather states that what you do is a vital portion of who you are and does not need to be left at the office. A controlled obsession will have you thinking about the topic even when your mind is at rest; and rather than it feeling consuming and draining, it offers a reprieve and excitement. This is like young love, where person A is pursuing person B, and the value does not just lie in time spent together but, in the time spent apart thinking of and dreaming of their next point of connection. The effort is in line with the desired outcome, which creates a state of desired-based commitment.
This mindset of course needs extreme caution. The majority of those in our lives will fall into Camp #1: those who feel the imbalance of work and life and need clear boundaries to make sure there is no bleeding. Less than 10% of those in our lives will fall into Camp #2: those who have an alignment of what they personally desire or feel fulfilled by, coupled with what they do within their profession. Less than 1% of those in our lives will fall into Camp #3, marked by an alignment of work-life with purpose and fulfillment, and in a healthy and controlled way.
Work-life balance is something great to aspire towards if your profession does not provide fulfillment. However, if you desire consistent contentment and productivity, the ideal setup is that your work aligns with your passion. If you are finding that this does not align and you see value in this proposition, then consider “what do I need to do in my current context, or in a new one, to get to this point?”
An uncontrolled obsession lends itself to impaired self-awareness, and limited recognition of the extent of their obsession and its unintended harmful ripple effects. They filter everything through the lens of “how is ______ helping me with the end goal?” They view what they are doing through the lens of perfectionism, which creates both external and internal pressure. This results in nearsightedness, confusing ignorance for focus, and hyperfocus on any barriers that keep you at a distance from your obsession.
When obsessions are not controlled, they themselves will control you. It is a paradox, and one that is unfortunately easy to fall into.
Many product managers, business leaders, and company executives may become dangerously consumed with their obsession; perhaps it’s acquiring a higher salary or earning greater status. Both of which are valid desires. However, in effort to progress, some individuals may take actions that result with unintended harmful outcomes and limited self-awareness. Imagine a captain of a boat sailing through a narrow channel. The captain takes an excited glance ahead: the port is near, the crew is thrilled, and it appears they might make impeccable timing through the channel. From this forward-looking perspective, the boat is deemed in good shape and the captain well-equipped to reach the destination. However if the captain is not aware of his speed and resulting impact, they will look back at where they came from and will see a massive wake and negative impact to the channel itself. The issue is not whether you can get to the destination, but the extent of which your efforts create unintended implications.
Aim to find value in all that you do. If you’re lucky, it’ll consume your mind like that of an obsession. When this happens, your prerogative ought to be how you can control the obsession rather than falling victim to it.
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It is certainly possible to find success without a controlled obsession, yet it may feel like labor and obligatory.
It is often easier to get short-term results and gloat about the optics. It is much more difficult to create long-term, consistent, and value-focused results. This is what a controlled obsession is: having the ability to go “all-in,” while maintaining the wherewithal to know that it’s not always needed. Having what you do professionally align with what you care about personally will create this mindset.
In whatever you do, the proper imbalance of work and life depends on a level of controlled obsession. If you have found this proper imbalance of work and life, ensure you control the obsession. Controlled obsessions allow for sustained action, ongoing efforts, and consuming a healthy portion of mental real estate.
If you have leadership and/or ownership in an organization or team, the more purpose you find and create for those around you, the more you will notice greater effectiveness in both human and operational processes.
